Yes, even in a writer’s (cough cough) idyllic life there are road bumps and snags. Anger, misunderstandings and simple misperceptions cause hurt feelings and slights where none was ever intended.
Where is all this going you ask? Well, I have no idea so we’ll all be surprised at the end, okay?
Recently I not only hit one of those bumps in the road I face planted going around 200mph. Let me tell you it hurt still stings a little too. All because of lack of communication and insecurity, which is normal for humans. Being unable to read minds we all fail our friends at one time or another without meaning too. However when that hurt isn’t addressed is when the bigger problems start to creep up and then fester.
#1 I am human
#2 I make mistakes, sometime huge ones.
#3 I cannot read minds
#4 Sometimes I take my friends for granted even when I don’t mean to.
#5 I say things in anger that I don’t believe even at the time I say them. Temper is a horrible thing to unleash on people who honestly care about you.
Every day life is hectic, crazy and complicated on a good day so when I see a missed call I think Oh I’ll call back as soon as I finish this or do that. Then me being me forgets and my friends are left hanging thinking I don’t care enough about them to return their call or text. Not true but you see where the misconceptions start. The responsibility is mine if I want to keep the amazing friends I have and I do.
The thing is I, of all people, should know better. I know how short life is and how precious each second I spend with my friends is. Yet somehow I expect them to read my mind and know their own importance in my world. Duh! picturing me licking windows here
If I can’t read other’s minds or emotions why the heck do I think they can pluck my thoughts and feelings from the air?
Reality is we all have fights since no one on the planet is perfect. The beautiful thing is when we open ourselves up to our mistakes, drop the pride making us stupid (myself included) and embrace the very things, which made us friends in the first place.
Last year I thought I lost a friend due to my own ego and my pride had me dropping any and everything to do with her. Yes, I know I’m not that bright. Anyway, time marched on hurt gave way to understanding and pride crumbled under the misery of missing my friend. When she made a tentative overture I grabbed hold of it and embraced the connection once again. Turns out she had a lot of shit going on in her life and didn’t know where to turn. See there goes that whole mind reading thing again.
A few years ago I went on a trip with three friends. Had a blast until the night before we left. My bum ankle caused me to go back to the room early I thought my buddies would stay with me. Took a shower & when I got out everyone was gone. Hurt and pride took over once more as thought they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. The next morning after we all woke up I was childish and bitchy. One of my dearest, normally sweetest friends called me on it. Once she broke the tension I understood all the bad thoughts had been in my head only & I’d taken my weirdness out on them.
More recently those dearest to me have drawn away chased by their own demons of insecurity, pride and a lack of communication. Why do we think better of everyone else than we do of ourselves? Why is it so much easier to believe the bad stuff we hear than the good?
Things I should say to the sisters of my heart.
You are amazing. You are beautiful, talented and there is no one else like you in the universe. Thanks to you my life is richer and fuller just because you’re you. When life goes to hell I know you’ll be there on the other side to prop me up, kick my ass or hold my hand. I’m amazed by everything you are and everything you do and feel so incredibly blessed to have such a beautiful person in my life and that you call me friend in return. Thank you for the small things and the big ones. Thank you for having my back, for kicking my butt, but mostly for sticking by me when I didn’t even know I needed you. Friends like the six of you make life an adventure that I wouldn’t want to go through with anyone else.