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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Into every life a little bitchiness must fall.


Yes, even in a writer’s (cough cough) idyllic life there are road bumps and snags. Anger, misunderstandings and simple misperceptions cause hurt feelings and slights where none was ever intended. Where is all this going you ask? Well, I have no idea so we’ll all be surprised at the end, okay? Recently I not only hit one of those bumps in the road I face planted going around 200mph. Let me tell you it hurt still stings a little too. All because of lack of communication and insecurity, which is normal for humans. Being unable to read minds we all fail our friends at one time or another without meaning too. However when that hurt isn’t addressed is when the bigger problems start to creep up and then fester.
Huge confession #1 I am human #2 I make mistakes, sometime huge ones. #3 I cannot read minds #4 Sometimes I take my friends for granted even when I don’t mean to. #5 I say things in anger that I don’t believe even at the time I say them. Temper is a horrible thing to unleash on people who honestly care about you. Every day life is hectic, crazy and complicated on a good day so when I see a missed call I think Oh I’ll call back as soon as I finish this or do that. Then me being me forgets and my friends are left hanging thinking I don’t care enough about them to return their call or text. Not true but you see where the misconceptions start. The responsibility is mine if I want to keep the amazing friends I have and I do. The thing is I, of all people, should know better. I know how short life is and how precious each second I spend with my friends is. Yet somehow I expect them to read my mind and know their own importance in my world. Duh! picturing me licking windows here If I can’t read other’s minds or emotions why the heck do I think they can pluck my thoughts and feelings from the air?
Reality is we all have fights since no one on the planet is perfect. The beautiful thing is when we open ourselves up to our mistakes, drop the pride making us stupid (myself included) and embrace the very things, which made us friends in the first place.
Last year I thought I lost a friend due to my own ego and my pride had me dropping any and everything to do with her. Yes, I know I’m not that bright. Anyway, time marched on hurt gave way to understanding and pride crumbled under the misery of missing my friend. When she made a tentative overture I grabbed hold of it and embraced the connection once again. Turns out she had a lot of shit going on in her life and didn’t know where to turn. See there goes that whole mind reading thing again. A few years ago I went on a trip with three friends. Had a blast until the night before we left. My bum ankle caused me to go back to the room early I thought my buddies would stay with me. Took a shower & when I got out everyone was gone. Hurt and pride took over once more as thought they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. The next morning after we all woke up I was childish and bitchy. One of my dearest, normally sweetest friends called me on it. Once she broke the tension I understood all the bad thoughts had been in my head only & I’d taken my weirdness out on them. More recently those dearest to me have drawn away chased by their own demons of insecurity, pride and a lack of communication. Why do we think better of everyone else than we do of ourselves? Why is it so much easier to believe the bad stuff we hear than the good?
Things I should say to the sisters of my heart. You are amazing. You are beautiful, talented and there is no one else like you in the universe. Thanks to you my life is richer and fuller just because you’re you. When life goes to hell I know you’ll be there on the other side to prop me up, kick my ass or hold my hand. I’m amazed by everything you are and everything you do and feel so incredibly blessed to have such a beautiful person in my life and that you call me friend in return. Thank you for the small things and the big ones. Thank you for having my back, for kicking my butt, but mostly for sticking by me when I didn’t even know I needed you. Friends like the six of you make life an adventure that I wouldn’t want to go through with anyone else.

11 comments:

  1. Allie, that was nice and so true. Communication BIG in any relationship. Great job!

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  2. That was really a wonderful blog, and for your ladies to be there for you after, yes your lovely sparkly pride. We are all guilty of it and it takes a lot for soneone to admit that they are wrong in anyway. Mostly to their best friends whom know them the most, thats why they are your "best" frieds. I have one who knows when I want to talk and when I don't, bitchy moods and yes even drunken girl can not talk about next day moments. Cherish those ladies. Always talk gift of GAB ladies y'all have it!!!!

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  3. I think it's true that we often take our friends for granted and communication is key. We get so busy with things, so stressed out that sometimes we forget that it's okay to not only listen but to lean a bit too. Lately I've needed mine more than ever and knowing they are there is a huge comfort to me. Love You, Allie

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  4. A thought provoking and insightful blog. Words all of us should and will take to heart.

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  5. Wow! Actually I think you really can read minds, Allie. You have put into beautiful words many of my own thoughts. Since writing is torture for me I thank you for your eloquent words which so closely speak "my" mind.

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  6. I cried through this entire blog. Now I look like a blubbering idiot (no surprise there) and my dogs are gathered around me for their chance to lick my salty face. I couldn't have written a better, more thoughtful piece. Well done, my princess. Well done.

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  7. Allie, you totally, totally rock. I think what you said could apply to any of us at any time. We can become so immersed in our own insecurities that we blow things out of proportion. Who says you can't take words back? As your loyal and devoted slave and court jester I hereby proclaim all slates wiped clean and today is Day One. Oh, and contrary to popular opinion, I am not really Oscar the Grouch. I'm his grandmother.

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  8. Beautifully said! You are my friend forever no matter what.

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  9. Thank you everyone for sweet words. Though it's different than what I normally try to write I felt it necessary. Just remember a true friend always gives second chances.

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  10. I teared up too. Very insightful and beautiful, Allie. I wish that I could word my feelings to eloquently. Love y'all!

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  11. I've got tears in my eyes as well Allie. I know that sting of a lost friendship due to miscommunication or lack thereof. I know the sting of slamming into a brick wall and thinking "I'm not good enough, they don't care." But i had to take a step back and realize, "hey, they have lives that don't revolve around you, be cool." I've learned that the hard way far too many times.
    I feel blessed just to know you and be able to hug you at things like Romanticon, and if I'm able to call you my friend, well now... I'm truly and incredibly blessed.
    I lub ya sparkly princess :)
    Jordan

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