It's all about the buzzzzz

If you haven't heard about it then you need to take a break from whatever rock you've been hiding under & listen up. E.L. James Fifty Shades of Grey is the latest "It" book. A take off from the Twilight fan fiction except in adult terms...very adult terms. Readers around the world are gasping and panting over something new and wicked called Dom/sub or BDSM. It's a very naughty thing in the PTA minded mom's world. Their sharing it with neighbors over coffee, at book club meetings and in on-line post. This whole bondage and submission thing is really rocking the literary world.

But wait, hold on, what's that??? Oh yeah, erotic romance writers have been doing this for years and doing it better. No insult intended to Ms. James, but read Fifty Shades then read anything by Desiree Holt or Joey Hill and tell me if they compare. Hell I'll even toss my few books into the pile against her for accuracy, heat and romance. There's more to a book (at least there better be) than rough sex and issuing orders. For me at least there's better be a happily ever after or else I'm done.

Granted I know Ms. James isn't trying to post herself as the world foremost BDSM writer, but still... The terms used in her book are vague at best and puritanical at worst.

All that being said I am still thrilled about Fifty Shades of Grey being thrust into the public eye. Any awareness of the erotica genre is great to me. I just wonder what some of those suburban mom would say after reading some of my books or my friend's books? Would we be labeled heretics? Sadistic? Freaks? Flawed? Or just women with healthy imaginations and a talent for creating characters?

Speak now, people! Have you read the latest "It" book? Opinions. Thoughts. Reviews. Comparisons. I wanna know cause I'm nosy that way & Desiree Holt is driving me crazy on this topic.

Tell ya what leave a comment & Desiree & I will pick a winner to win a book from both of us :)

It's My Birthday!!!

Most authors say things like "It's my birthday, but YOU'RE getting the presents." HA, damn it, I want all the shiny goodness for myself. I take electronic gift cards, cars, small private planes cause seriously what the heck am I going to do with a 747? Umm, let's see what else is on the royal bday list? Jewels, of course, bags of Duncan Donut Mocha Mint coffee. I found this bean of the gods during Christmas & bought every bag I could find. LOVE IT!! What else do royal princess's ask for...A sailing yacht would be nice. SOmething small an intimate so I could take my loyal royal ladies out for a vacay. Also a medium size island off the coast would be nice. Of course I'd expect a palace to already be in place complete with guards quarters, dungeons, a state of the art clinic for Cass, our Lady of Snips and Licks. Yes, I think an island would be perfect for my royal shiny self & all the Royal House of Bitches. Go make it happen :)

Moving back to reality...I'm safely tucked away at Casa Holt, watching the wind blow & the temperature drop. LOVE cold weather so why the heck do I live in Texas? Yeah, I don't have a clue either. What am I working on? What have I been doing? And why the hell have I been ignoring my poor neglected blog all this time? Well, the truth is I don't blog unless I feel I have something interesting to say or share. Besides I knew everyone was dying to rush out and buy me an island. How could I refuse :)

My latest project is a leprechaun story for Erotic Escapes, a contemporary for the Skin Deep Series, and a fun full length titled Wishes, Kisses & Corpses. I flip from one to another depending on what the voices are telling me. And no if they tell me to start fires, hurt kittens or explode things (outside the kitchen) I won't listen.

Tonight I'll celebrate with my friends, wine & hopefully a really big cake. I'll be thinking of you all and smirking cause I don't have to share my cake :) However in the interest of trying to be a semi-decent person I'll be nice and give away any book on my backlist. Leave a comment & you're entered. I'll even let the way too honest & goodie goodie Desiree Holt pick the winner. See I can be nice!

Have a great day & weekend everyone. Be sure to let me know when you've got the island ready for us to move in.

Kudos & IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

ALLIE

Do we really care?

Every day I check my email & there's at least 10 asking me to check out their blog. Hey, I don't mind. You're reading mine, right? However I've come to understand there's a difference between writing for the hell of it, entertainment and casual views on life. I try to make mine a littel bit of all three. What I'm seeing more and more are blogs telling me. Buy this, don't buy that, like her, hate him, vote for blue, but veto red. Augh, my poor ADD head. As if I don't have enough issues, right?
So here's this weeks brain thinker :) Do we really care about all these blogs and the opinions on them? When do we reach the point that enough is enough? Or do we? Every part of of some people's life is up for public consumption. Geez, I like ya'll and all, but ewww no one's that close.
Originally I was going to post about my experience with the church group and their sins of the flesh discussion. Think i still will it's more fun than wondering why the hell some stranger would choose to share their bowell movements with me. YUCK!
Here's the story:

Originally I was sitting in the corner of my coffee cafe where I go to write those great American porn novels you love so well :) Next thing I know a large group of people are sitting catty corner to me. If you've met me you'd know I paid them no attention. It wasn't until bibles started thunking on the cheap tables that I finally looked up. Lo and behold a church group was meeting for their monthly...?? Yeah, I didn't catch it either. I, being the self centered creature I am, went back to writing. I was having way more fun torturing my new characters than easedropping on church decons.
Picture me happily typing away on my iPad key board when out of nowhere there rose a...gibberish noise.
Fine, I force myself to look up and your friendly neighborhood church group is laying hands and casting demons out. Hey, don't get me wrong. I've got nothing, but admiration for them and respect the hell out people who embrace what they love. Having said that I do not feel it's necessary to cast Satan out over coffee. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I believe there's a time and place for speaking in tongues, casting Satan from a life and eating food with your hands.
None of the above is acceptable while people are drinking coffee, reading books or newspapers or just chatting with a friend.
Sins of the flesh seemed to be the group's topic. You'll never know how very I tempted I was to ask them to crit my last chapter. A chapter that involved...gasp SEX. The naked kind with a man and a woman in the SAME bed.
I restrained myself mainly because I was leaving. Plus, some people have no sense of humor when it comes to their religion. I respect it all, but I also reserve the right to make fun of you as well as myself.
Hmm, think I'm done with my blog's torturous, brain washing session for this week. Next time we'll learn how to fold napkins into swans and take over the world one blog at a time!

Kudos,
Allie

PS: Forgive any spelling errors. I'm typing on my iPad keyboard, but using my iPhone. The screen is so small I'm kind of typing blind here.

My letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I'm a giver as you know so this year I'd like most of my Christmas wishes to be all about the needy, down on their luck, impoverished, and mentally unstable. Yes, I mean my friends! How did you know?

For Christmas this year I'd like more new guards.

Yes, my Royal House of Bitches loop ladies have already worn out the ones you gave me last year! Greedy wenches!! You don't want to know what condition I found them in after Nic Austin and Eve Savage finished with them. Needless to say I know the two poster girls for your naughty list! They already come equipped with inmate numbers and orange jumpsuits. Eve especially likes cavity searches!

I'd also like my pretty shiny Royal scepter back from Elece Payne Farberov. The sneaky minx stole it in Ohio. (stolen/given) Would you mind giving Cassandra McGuire a new appendix? The warranty ran out on her last one & was repoed. For Desiree Holt I'd like it a lot if you could find her memory. She can't remember where she left it. Brenna Zinn asked if she could get a clue, so I'd like to request she get one.

Samantha Cayto once asked a freaking minute of peace and quiet. Would you mind giving her the minute full of freaks? Also Sam requested the stupid people on the planet be given their own island. I second that and also ask that you actually move them there. Leaving it to them would not result in rainbows & puppies.
I'm not done yet, Santa, so please quit rubbing your heart and muttering "take me, take me please". It's not very polite. After all I'm just trying to give back like you've always nagged...er I mean asked me to.
**clearing throat**
Now for Margie. She needs her sanity which she said she lost last October and hasn't seen a glimpse of it since. *blinking eyes innocently** What do you mean my fault, Santa? Really how rude!
Cerise Deland asked for things I'm sure Eve would be better able to provide. Things my innocent young royal mind can in no way understand or comprehend. Though I do recommend getting her the oak St. Andrew's cross because the cheap ply wood break with only a good wack or two.

Yes, Santa there is something else. Each of my Royal House of Bitches ladies (no, it's not an oxymoron)would like a Caveman under her bed. Yes, bed not tree. No, I'm not explaining it just deal or else I'll start sending pics of the guards in the after condition. The problem here is I have more ladies (quit laughing...did you just pee on yourself, Santa? Ughhh) Anyway there are more FEMALES then guards even tossing in my gently used ones. Big thanks, Nic & Eve, I said break them in not break them! Santa, how do you feel about a little temporary cloning as I know Alec is pretty popular & I know once Brenna finishes with him...well he'll have grown wiser and more sarcastic.

A new padded wing to the palace, not for me of course, but for those guards and ladies who tap dance a little to close to the sanity line. More ugly guards too. Elece needs to learn to share and trolls make nice jailers too.

So Santa dear, these are my wishes this year. As you tell I'm all about the giving this year and as a result I'll expect the rest of my more...private wishes to be taken care of as well. Thank you, dear old fellow, for taking the time to visit with me and for taking pity on the RHB.


Sincerely,
Princess Allie

Ruler of the Sparkly Kingdom
P.S. Don't forget the batteries!!

The Christmas Turkey Battle!

I love this time of the year mostly because food contains no calories in the month of December. Really, I'm sure there a study being done somewhere to prove this very important point. Most people will go on and on about the importance of being surrounded by friends and family. Me? I drink more thanks to said friends and family. Then I hide out in the darkest corner and wait for the mentally impaired to leave. Yeah, I'm not all that fluffy or jolly after hours surrounded by family. However, I honestly love hanging out with the short crowd. The 5-13 age bracket are my favorite, old enough to know what's going on & still young enough to believe.
So while the 'adults' are doing the coffee thing and trying to one up each other with their yearly news letters I hang with the ankle bitters. Before Christmas we take the presents, stack them up by name, then by size and finally by sound. It's fun and makes me feel like a kid again.
Once many moons ago as a innocent, pure and sweet soul of fourteen or fifteen I wanted to surprise my parents. My surprise, you ask? Cooking the turkey for Christmas! Yep, it was a brillant idea even though I'd never cooked one before. I thought how hard could it possibly be? Ahh the stupidity of the young :)
There it was a big twenty pound turkey in all its frozen glory. The time period to cook the bird was short. My parents worked so I had to get it done before they arrived home from work. As an astoundingly creative teen I thought of the perfect way to defrost my monstrous bird. Yank open the door on the dishwasher & stuff it in. Smart girl I am I pressed the gentle cycle, tossed the white frozen bundle in, hipped checked it closed & patted myself on the back.
Ten minutes into my amazing plan the dishwasher bucked, jerked and clucked. Yep, I thought the bird was fighting back. I rip open the door only to find bent metal and a still frozen bird. Obliviously not strong enough to conquer my turkey I grabbed it from the dishwasher and spun around waiting for brillance to strike again.
WHAM! Lighting bolts!! I rush to the laundry room & stood debating. Washer or dryer?? Hot water would defrost the bird faster. So off to poor innocent machine I went. Only to discover my bird wouldn't fit. Shoving, pushing, & slicking it with Snuggle fabric softener didn't help either. Hey, the thing was wrapped in pastic what could it hurt? Giving up that particular fork in the road I decided maybe the dryer was the answer after all. After flinging open the door I popped the now slightly mangled bird in and slammed the door shut. Set the heat timer to medium and hit the start button with an angry jab. The battle had now become personal! Me against the dead bird and so far the bird was winning.
I waited impatiently, listening to the thunk thunk of the drum as it connected to the frozen fowl. Everything going according to my masterplan! I walked away feeling triumphant and victorious! Just as I crossed the threshold the once seemingly innocuous dryer went postal. It bucked, groaned and hit the ground so hard I thought the floor would crack. Fearing my mother's reaction should I break the dryer (I was hoping to blame the dishwasher on my brother) I ran across the room, hit the power button and nothing happen. The dryer was alive and PISSED! Terror became my new name as I punched the damn button over and over again with no different results. Finally as my heart rate tripled I reached behind the now moaning monster and yanked out it's life blood. The electric cord! and all at once silence descended until the door popped open revealing my STILL frozen dead bird!
A smart person would have admitted defeat. A smart person would have already called and confessed her sins. A smart person would have packed a bag and hit the road before her mother came home to the destruction and possible death of two major appliances. I however am not a smart person. As I said this was war. The bird would not beat me. It would not be put back in the giant outside freezer only to mock me to the other frozen foods. I'd never be able to look another Popsicle in the face.

Time to pull the big girl panties up and show the turkey I meant business. Wrapping each hand in two oven mitts apiece (cause by now I'm thinking the bird just might still be alive and possessed) I take it to the ultimate destination for death. My mom's brand new microwave! A device bought only a few weeks ago in honor of the upcoming holiday and all the impending guests. Yes, I thought to myself, this machine so shiny and with so many fun buttons, would conquer my opponent.
Feeling smug and pretty proud of myself I shove the bird in, slam the door closed before turkey could try to make a break for it and hit the high power button then start.
Oh yeah, this was so going to work. I wanted to pat myself on the back. I wanted to crow with my vicious victory. I wanted to rub my brother and sister's faces in my brillance and all the brownie points cooking this bird would get me. Mentally I ignored the other destruction I'd left in my wake. Thinking about it would have interfered with my victory lap around the kitchen island. Some time around the second boogie lap I head the strangest noise. A pop, kind of quiet so maybe I didn't really hear anything? A litter slower now, but still dancing and rejoicing I continued to Snoopy Dance my way around the room.
Then it happened. The turkey came back for revenge! I'd just made a pass around the microwave when all hell broke loose. The door flew open, the turkey flew out headed right where my dancing self had been two seconds before, but instead of hitting me the bird soared across the room, smashed into the opposite wall and came bounding back. It crashed into the not so new looking microwave then finally thankfully tumbled to the floor, smoking. When the smoke finally cleared I saw bits and pieces of turkey meat littering the kitchen floor and me. Covered head to toe in turkey guts I looked around at the destruction, stunned and suddenly very very afraid.
My once oh so brillant plan lay smoking and popping at my feet and there wasn't a single sibling in the house to blame. Needless to say my mother had a few choice words for me even as I tried to defend myself. Somehow "the turkey made me do it" didn't fly with her and I was stuck as her kitchen slave for the next month. My father took one look at the room and quickly left, hiding in his office with the TV on...LOUD. Only in later years would I learn he'd hidden himself away so quickly because he'd burst out laughing.
It's a story that gets told every year at Christmas time around my family. It always starts with "You remember the time Allie started a war with the frozen turkey & the turkey won?"
To this day I reply "The victor ended up eaten by the dog, didn't he?"

I wish you a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, holiday or whatever you wish celebrate this time of year. Enjoy those who love you and those you love. Learn to tolerate or ignore those you don't.

Until next time

Kudos,
Allie

Oh yes, forgot to mention head over to http://blissemas.co.uk for a chance to win a KINDLE!! Fun, huh?

Saying goodbye to Club Botticelli w Romancing Recee

This month is pretty big for me. I have three releases including my first self-pub, Slippery When Wet, the second book in my paranormal series, Poseidon's Fortune. But that's not what this blog is about. With the release tomorrow of Romancing Recee I'll be saying goodbye to my Club B ladies. It's a sad yet thrilling time for me. I've had a blast with each of my girls, Olivia, Emma, Briley, Trinity & Recee. I sincerely hope you've enjoyed their journey with me. So to ensure my girls go out with a bang I'm giving away a BIG Club B basket. What do you have to do to enter? Simply send your receipt to Allie@Allie-Standifer.com & you'll be entered to win an Amazon giftcard, t-shirts, coffee mug, shiny sippy cup & more.

Recee is the baddest, meanest & most clinically insane of all her friends. She's given her heart to only four people, her friends and she has no intention of trusting a faithless man. When Brock shows up in her life, Recee makes sure the big, bad ex-solider knows she doesn't need him or his protection.
Brock's never met a more intense, beautiful, stubborn, medication needing female. When he steps in to save Recee from potential danger he never expects the crazy woman to turn on him.
It's a case of rock meeting hard place & who will ultimately win in the end. Because Brock's not about to give up until he's finished Romancing Recee

Kudos,
Allie

Baby, it's cold outside!

This is my favorite time of year. When the temperature finally drops below 100 & we can pull out the thick sweaters, soft soft & cozy flannels. Granted I'm not looking my sexy Princess best, but even a royal castle can get cold. The guards are busy preparing for the first big cold front, gathering wood and playing keep a-way with Elece and her stealthy ninja ways.

Aside from the numerous benefits of cold weather, less sweat & stink from others :) A chill in the air makes me want to burrow down in front of my fireplace with hot coca and my laptop. Yep, Jack Frost puts me in a writing mood & I love it. My to-write list is piling up along with upcoming releases. Wow, where did the year go?

Also since we're talking about Frosty and nipping at noses, (just hush & follow along) I want to know your favorite winter fantasy. The naughty & nice ones. It can involve you, you & your main squeeze, or maybe even an extra guest star or two.

I'll go first :)

My favorite winter daydream is to be in the middle of nowhere in a fairytale cottage complete with flushy toilets, hot/cold water electricity, large fireplaces, and Internet connection. Hey, I'm still a princess & need my flushies!!
My little/large cottage would have a deck on back complete with fireplace, hot tub and outdoor living area. There would be floor to ceiling windows over looking the deck with a great view of the mountains. Inside there'd be a kitchen (someone has to cook, just not me) the living room with heated hardwood floors, a faux white bear rug and thick soft subtle leather furniture. With the lights turned off, the fire at our backs we'd (the guards & I) would watch the snow fall before they took turns giving me hot oil massages. It's good to be Princess!
I'm not sure why, but winter always makes me hibernate like a bear. I don't go anywhere unless I'm drastically needed or shiny objects are involved.

The point of this rambling blog? To make me feel better #1 & #2 to give you darlings an opportunity to share your chilly frisky snow-bound fantasies with me!

Let's get started!!